Archive for 2005

2005 Netflix in Review

Saturday, December 31st, 2005

I exported a list of every Netflix movie I rented in 2005. With a combination of narcissism and embarrassment I present my list.

This isn’t every movie I watched last year, since I also have a Kim’s membership and went to Film Forum a fair amount this year. It was a good year for movies there—the totally great Harold Lloyd series, the pre-war Paramount series, and Summer of Samurai. (I didn’t see any of the Naruse series (zzzz), and haven’t yet been to the Hitchcock series that goes into February.)

I started and finished a couple of anime teenage girl high school soaps (the fascinatingly misogynist/sadomaschostic Boys over Flowers, cute but bland Fruits Basket) and TV series (the entire Bewitched first season & I, Claudius). Most of this list is either anime or TV series… I tend to see real movies in theatres rather than at home.

The stand-out anime was Paranoia Agent, which was a great Twilight Zone-through-a-JHorror-filter series with a typically Japanese let-down of an ending. The worst one might be a toss-up between Dears (misogynist robot sex comedy/plagiarism of Chobits, a more successful misogynist robot sex comedy), Magical Meow Meow Taruto (a really boring acid trip), and Cyberteam in Akihabara (why?)—but nothing has unseated last years champ Puni Puni Poemy as the worst anime in the universe. I look forward to the rest of Otogi Zoshi, which has been compared to last year’s top series Twelve Kingdoms, but I’ve only just started this month.

On the live action front, I really enjoyed Shaolin Soccer and Hero but liked Kung Fu Hustle and House of Flying Daggers (seen in the theater) far less. Kikujiro was unexpectedly great, proving Beat Takeshi can be a dirtbag even without a gun in his hand. The mid-50s commercials on the Topper TV (written by little Stevie Sondheim!) disk were worth the rental even the show was pretty uninspiring (except for inspiring Will Hines’ impression of Leo G. Carroll)—the vaguest cigarette ads using nonsense statistics delivered my a lisping news anchor. The Bob Newhart Show in its first season was not what I expected… it was pretty unfunny but there was something about it—depressing and engaging at the same time—and the themesong was inappropriately wonderful. And Tabitha, a 70s short-lived Bewitched spin-off, was just putrid.

Next year—more Roman epics! More bad anime! More… of the same.

Interactivity Talkback Input Invitation

Friday, December 30th, 2005

For those of you who don’t enter the blog through the main page this is new info. I have a graphic design site that has been completely neglected this year. I posted all of 5 items in 2005, all before June. I didn’t do that much graphic work, this year, what can I say? For about 5 months I had a non-graphic design job and after I left it, all my former clients found someone else to do their work. shrug

I want to keep up my pattern of redoing the front page and the color scheme, but I’m not sure what to do. You can check out the gallery of years past to see what I’ve done and then offer me your suggestions on what should be on the 2006 front page.

Interactivity!

I Love You, Spartacus

Thursday, December 29th, 2005

I tried to wait until I had a decent sound or video clip of this to prove my point, but I couldn’t figure out how to capture just 5 seconds off a DVD (Thanks a lot, Handbrake) and ended up with 25 minutes of extra material I don’t want.

My project of the last three months or so is to watch tons of Ancient Roman Epics & Dramas. Tons and tons of them. From the ridiculous (ABC’s miniseries Empire) to the divine (wonderful I, Claudius).

I am struggling my way through the supra-gigantic cast o’ thousands Hollywood epics at the moment. In the midst of Spartacus I was honored to unearth the most amazingly wooden, inappropriate delivery on film:


“I don’t know how… I can… ever repay you.”

It’s early in the movie—the very last scene of chapter 5 on the DVD —when these nobles come to the Gladiator school. One of the men is Laurence Olivier, the other is an underplaying Paul Lynde doppleganger*who was hit with a stupid stick.

He fares a little marginally better with his other lines, but he seriously sounds like developmentally disabled adult doing an impression of PeeWee Herman in the movie-within-a-movie in PeeWee’s Big Adventure (“Paging Mr. Herman…”).

Ridiculous Larry-esque.

*I looked up his relatively short filmography and his only other role of note was as one the coded-homo murdering couple in Rope. Typecasting?

The Terri Schiavo of Comedy Shows

Thursday, December 29th, 2005

Tonight is the LAST Instant Cinema. After 20 months (as the crow flies), the show is closing up shop. Be there or be missing it. The picture above pretty much summarizes what you’re going to see, but for the less visually-stimulated, here follows the boilerplate –
See everything you’d expect from a movie improvised live on stage—dramatic camera angles, tense editing, high-flying action sequences and tender denoument. Never-before-seen movies created from audience suggestions that span every era, every style, and every genre, but always better than anything you’d see at a multiplex.


Thursday, December 29, 2005 9:30 pm $5—Free for UCB Students
(appearing with B-ROLL) at the UCB Theatre, 307 W 26th St

You Don’t Have To Take My Word For It

Wednesday, December 28th, 2005

I don’t read often or consistantly, but when I do pick something up I tend to tear through it as great speeds. I started I, Claudius just after Thanksgiving… but since I knew what happened, I was less than aggressive at the page-turning. I picked it up again on the train ride down and finished it in the first hour. Once I was down there, I got half-way through Triangle, about the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory fire, on Dec 24th. It was pretty interesting, but it was also heavy (weight-wise, not content-wise) so I didn’t take it back on the train with me.

My parents both bought copies of Julie and Julia for each other on Christmas. A charming redundancy! I had never heard of this book, or even of the blog that inspired it (despite the jacket copy calling it an “internet sensation”) but decided to flip through it. We don’t have any extended family on this coast, nor anything to do really on the date of our precious savior’s birth (our savior, Mithras)... so lots of downtime. I finished in about 6 hours.

This book was crap. It made me want to swear off blogs and blogging forever. Erase this page. Never type another casual personal memoir in any electronic formal. It was like hearing your own voice on a tape recorder… do I really sound like that? It really threw, in sharp relief, the difference between book writing and blog writing. In that the latter is shitty.

She has a hook, right, where she’s going to spend a year cooking every single recipe in Mastering the Art of French Cooking in one year, despite living in a shitty Queens apartment and being a relatively-untrained cook. Great. I’m sold. Then she barely talks about the process… if this is food lit, the orgy of details about the process of each step of the way (either glowingly orgiastic or post-modernly critical) is hard-coded (or hard-cooked) into the genre. The few times she goes into detail it’s like… a paragraph, maximum. That’s the raison d’etre of this book! She skimps on the meat and piles on the potatoes… rancid, cat-hair covered potatoes.

It’s also a really interesting time in New York… just post 9/11 through the Blackout. And she’s working for the [purposefully unnamed] commission to manage Ground Zero and has to field all these calls from lunatics as well as set up photo-ops and meetings for the 9/11 Families and shit. I mean, there’s so much interesting stuff there. But it never really explores the job beyond “I hate being a temp. My boss is a dick.” Wha?

The rest of the book is tiresome and repetitive references to how “crazy” her friends are and how “wonderful” her husband is and how “good” Buffy is … as well as cliches living in a crap apartment. I mean, that’s 9/10s of my life and everyone else I know and I was bored. If you can’t get a person with a practically identical life on your side, you’ve really screwed the pooch. The grumpy reviewers on Amazon all seem to be 50- somethings offended by her stereotyping of Republicans and the 9/11 families… which she does in a cliched, not-even-interesting way. The die-hards also can’t seem to get the name “Julia Child” down… at least half of the entries have “Julia Childs.”

The main impression I had after reading this shit was… “you have a boring life.” Still, she did get money to write this book and people are buying it… so she must have done something right. Maybe the failure was really on behalf of her editor for not catching the problems before it went to print. Problems like, “this is a terrible book.”

I tried to actually think through what made this book so “bloggy” and I think it was giving judging statements without arguing her case. Even if the statement is something like “Buffy is my favorite show” or “my friend So-and-So is such a nut”... it’s never really supported by anything to make her viewers agree with her. Things/people aren’t introduced, we’re just met with this new character as if we already are aware of them. I suppose in blogs, most readers probably would already know all the people in her life and agree with her opinions about Buffy... She doesn’t work very hard at writing examples to get the reader “on her side.”... I’m not sure if I’m explaining this well.

There are also “fan fiction” interludes of the life of Julia Child and her husband Paul, which are sexy and unrestrained reimaginings of their playful foodie courtship…. Gag me.

On the plus side, I’m fully motivated (by anger) to write a novel in the next year. I don’t have as good a hook, but reading 320 pages of missed opportunties.

However, I do recommend watching the DVDs of Julia Child’s early seasons of The French Chef... there’s guaranteed to be at least one major disaster per episode. What makes it so funny, I think, and not sad or grating is that she doesn’t break and point out that the pancake burst into flames. She just rolls with it and maybe will make a reference later on in the show like “now, this time it’ll work.” You saw that pancake catch on fire. She saw it catch on fire. We’re not denying it happened, but what does it serve to dwell on it. Now I will fling a gallon of boiling-hot molten sugar across the room directly at where the camera man is standing. Hooray!

Technology Makes It Happen

Tuesday, December 27th, 2005

Dictionaraoke presents…
Gary Puckett, “Young Girl”
Irving Berlin, “Puttin’ On The Ritz”

I was amused enough just to listen to the robot-voices reading crude language on the dictionary page. Dictionaraoke takes that humor ore and polishes it to a hilarious comedy cabochon.

More Holiday Laffs!

Monday, December 26th, 2005

Hannukah in Santa Monica
written and performed by Tom Lehrer

When it comes to my novetly song needs, I go straight to Tom Lehrer. I don’t think he’s really gotten his due by the post-Electric Company generation… mainly because of the dominance of “Weird Al” Yankovic since the 80s and the fact that humorous novelty songs are… kind of… retarded.

There was a 3-CD box set put out in 2000 which contained all his albums, the Electric Company songs (which were kind of indistinct from the usual Sesame-esque edu-tunes that came before and came after on things like Between The Lions ), and four or so previously unreleased tracks—including the linked one above.

What I didn’t realize is that this song was recent—written in ‘90-91, the recording is either ‘97 or ‘99… I don’t have the CD in front of me… and it was written for Garrison Keillor’s American Radio Company of the Air (the weird non-Prairie Home Prairie Home Companion… does anyone know why it changed its name? And then changed back?). Weirder still, I was at the premiere (or second-to-premier) performance at the Kennedy Center in DC when I was 14. My main memories of the night were that even far away in the mezzanine, Garrison Keillor looked like Frankenstein’s monster and that song.

In the liner notes of the Leher CD quote the intro given as “This song was created in response to there being no good Hannukah songs. It wouldn’t occur to the gentile composers to write them, and the Jewish composers were busy writing Christmas songs.”

When home, I also found out my brother had Mr. Lehrer as a teacher at Santa Cruz for a math lecture… that he dropped.

(MP3 found on April Winchell’s site. I could fill up entries for the rest of the year with clips from this site, but I’ll leave you to explore on your own. Porkchops.)

Chris-Mithras!

Sunday, December 25th, 2005

Happy Feast of Mithras, y’all.

Page 666

Saturday, December 24th, 2005

I’ve broken my nearly perfect 6-posts-a-week record for December, due to this damned Christmas business. I’ll be back from DC on the 26th and hopefully a-brimin’ with A+ blog content …and a new look for 2006! A new look for the blog… not for me! I’m already the most beautiful girl in the world and that would be gilding the lily-made-of-solid-gold!

I can offer one juicy Musto-esque tidbit— ITEM! A super-famous person that I know is expecting a baby-sized package delivered by St. Nicolas through his wife’s cervix? That questions a gimmie, really, since I only am on a first-name/baby announcement basis with a half-dozen super-famous people! And this is one of them! But I’m too classy to drop names when I’m sober.

Congratulations to them both! I’m going to jump the gun and get them a ironic baby-related ITEM! as a belated Xmas present even though the sprout won’t pop until July-ish.

Leather Daddy?

Wednesday, December 21st, 2005

Leather Daddy?

Part of Manhattan Toy Company’s “Tiptoe Touche” line for kids. None of the other animals are as out and proud as “Chaz the Bull” nor as cannibalistic in their wearing of accessories made from the skin of their own species.

Warm Pupas in Jelly

Tuesday, December 20th, 2005

I don’t read a lot of other people’s blogs. I’ve been searching around for more to get into. I recently started reading Diana’s (from Project Runway) and a couple of Illustration sites (Cartoon Brew, Typographi.ca and Drawn!), but none are really everyday reads.

I recently found “The Sneeze,” and invite you to check out rude Children’s songs from around the world. That’s one thing that can bring the world together… the universal truth that kids are assholes.

(The title of this entry refers to another section of the site— Steve, Don’t Eat It!)

Sticky and Shiny

Monday, December 19th, 2005

It’s off season, but still terrific.

Entries for the Duck brand “Stuck at Prom” Duct Tape Prom-wear contest – (http://www.ducktapeclub.com/contests/prom/entries.asp)

Can you imagine what this duct-tape formal wear smelled like by the after-party at the beach house? How clammy and sweaty these teens must have been for their traditional post-prom virginity-stealing?

Oh, right… these things wouldn’t be happening to people who wore duct tape to prom… these are nerds.

Talented nerds, though.

Cakey Begins

Monday, December 19th, 2005

We got the first scene of our new 102 show “Cakey” in the metaphorical can this weekend. It was my first time directing a.) strangers and b.) children (though they might object to being classified in this manner. I’d say “tweens” but that also is inaccurate as there were boys involved and I think “tweens” are only girls). I also had to fire one of my “tweens” for missing call over the phone… fairly heartbreaking.

It was 8:00 AM (after a late party in Queens the night before), outdoors, and freezing, but it was over in 2 and a half hours.

After the holidays the more intensive filming begins… I need to get scheduling. We need to find one location—a large bathroom with a bathtub—and get a prop made.

Gnocco Parade

Saturday, December 17th, 2005

While eating dinner at Gnocco near Thompkin’s Square park yesterday, a mob of people walked past the floor-to-ceiling windows, directly in our line of site.

Most were dressed in ordinary going-out duds, but surrounding the normals were several people in full body mascot outfits—a wolf/dog, a cartoony mouse, a bunny and a realistic kitty-cat. (This was exactly the cat’s outfit.)

The mouse, noticing the diners looking on slammed into the window, rubbed his tummy and waved and then possibly made a rude gesture. His adorably oversized paws made it hard to figure out his actual intention.

Bam! Bam! Bam!

Friday, December 16th, 2005

I ordered records by mail for the first time in well-nigh-on five years. I actually forgot I had even ordered them. On the car ride down to Virginia, Eliza’s ipod played the rockabilly stomper “Hot Rod,” and I couldn’t for the life of me remember why it seemed so familiar until the chorus. Hot Rod? Shit, yeah, HOT ROD?! Junior Varsity did a cover of it on their classic 7”GO! To the Ice Cream Social. Duh.

Now there are approximately 9,700 bands named some variation on “Junior Varsity.” The Junior Varsity. DJ Junior Varsity. Junior Varsity KM. Einstürzende Jeuniorbautenvarsity. To me Junior Varisty can only be 2 (or 1) goofy-looking dudes and 1 (or 2) squeaky-voiced Texas cheer-girls (the lead singer is a punk rock Kirsten Chenoweth). I wish I could find the old website of their tour of Japan (the photo gallery remains)That’s really the way to see Japan…with a giant school-mascot Bear. How did they get that thing through customs?

I did an illustration for the cover for their split with the Kung Fu Monkeys (3 squeaky-voiced goofy-looking dudes)... and coincidentally had an IM with the lead KFM later in the day. He informs me with gravity that next year is the 10th year anniversary of KFM.

Be advised, despite this trip down memory lane, my official holiday jam remains April March’s “Coral Bracelet.”

TV Love

Thursday, December 15th, 2005

I love Project Runway.

Probably not as much as this person

Me So Famous

Wednesday, December 14th, 2005

I finally got around to seeing Shingu: Secret of the Stellar Wars, which Sam Riegel had me do extra voices on back in, like, 2003. The title had changed since then… it was then called “Muryou” (a contraction of the Japanese title), but there was a disagreement on how to pronounce it and not sound… retarded. Murray-o, Mar-you, Mario. Totally renaming it won out, I guess.

I modified the screen-cap of the “Angle 2 Credit” to indicate the name of importance. I did hear myself say (along with Amy Rhodes) “We Love You, Shun!” in episode 1 as “girls in crowd.” (I haven’t watched the rest of them yet, we only did one session of recording so I imagine we’re only on the first DVD.) I read a review online that called out the “ridiculously fake” names in the credits and cited me in particular. “Gil Ramsee” seems far more fake to me… not to mention “Jack Lingo.” Plus, I’m a goddamned voice extra… who cares if my name is Cockslap McCrotchgrab. No one (except me… and now you, blog reader) pays any attention to “additional voices.”

I still haven’t seen my rainbow of voice extra work on HBO’s “Happily Ever After: Fairy Tales for Every Child” season 2 that I did back in college. So far Netflix only has a “sampler” of first season episodes available. Those shows are pretty unwatchable, even with my amazing talent saying “Huh?” and “Look Out!” in the background.

Pluggy!

Tuesday, December 13th, 2005

When in the mood for comedy, please attend:

FREE TO BE FRIENDS
DECEMBER 16 & 23 at 8:00 PM

Prepare yourself for a dance back in time to 1972 with song-spewing children’s show hosts, Betty and Joan, who are armed with nothing but their agendas and their, uh, genders.

Written and Performed by
Julie Klausner and Sue Galloway
Featuring Neil Casey
Directed by Dyna Moe

I will quote the mass-email—“Even if you have already seen it, you should feel free to tell your friends “to be” there.”

Additionally, a week from Thursday, catch—
THE VERY LAST INSTANT CINEMA
December 29 at 9:30 PM

The improvised movie show is folding up the tent after a 20 month run.

Both shows are here—
Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre
307 W. 26th Street (at 8th Ave.)

Tootsi-Frootsi Ice Cream

Monday, December 12th, 2005

Oh, how do I love Takuya Angel...

A FRUiTs- featured fashion line that bears so little resemblance to normal human clothes that the site features a vector-drawn tutorial on how to apply it to the body. The “line” this “season” (quotes, since I have no idea how recent the site is or how often they make additions to their designs) seems to be a combination of Prussian military garb (Sakura Taisen tailcoats), kendo pants with Mononoke/Gloomy Bear shrugs… and fucking genius/crazy Japanese acid-trip lunacy.

The whole site is actually just a mac.com photo album. The future is here!

Seriously, though, I adore these clothes. I’ve never seen any on ebay, though, and I doubt I’ll make it to Osaka to buy any.

Collectible novelties

Sunday, December 11th, 2005

“If only there was a way to combine my favorite things… Hallmark Stores, prostitutes and my cats.”

Consider your wish granted.

ADD: Even more wishes come true.