As a Nation, We Must Band Together and Stop Using Smileys
June 6th, 2009This is my fireside chat. Hello America. I have a matter of grave importance to discuss and the only venue appropriate for it is my little-read and even-less-posted-in blog.
Now, I don’t “take stands” or “believe in anything” normally, but I’m drawing a line in the sand. And then two dots above that line to make “eyes.” And then I’m going to piss all over it.
We all need to stop using smileys. Seriously. It’s gone on long enough. Unless you are a small child or the type of person who punctuates all their hand-written communications (done in purple glitter gel ink) with frequent hand-drawn smiley faces or stickers—in which case, you have bigger problems—there is no excuse.
Stop using smileys. I hate them and they are terrible.
My reasoning for hating smileys—irrational as it may be—is that the writer employing them is either too lazy or has too small a vocabulary to convey the tone he wants using words. Also he’s insulting my intelligence my assuming I won’t “get” that they’re joking without a symbolic command that I should be smiling.
He can be a Nobel Prize winner and selfless humanitarian, but the minute colon meets right-parenthesis I’m writing him off as a brainless clod.
Together we can band together to kill off smileys before 2012.
June 15th, 2009 at 12:01 pm
This makes me smile.
(c’mon, you knew that was coming)
July 6th, 2009 at 8:36 pm
I could not agree more!! I am smart enough to get the joke without being told to :). You are my hero.
August 18th, 2009 at 10:05 am
(Am I the only person who finds it amusing that the previous two comments included smileys?)