I Let My Fists Do The Talkin’

( This account is somewhat bowdlerized to keep some level of privacy to the participants… more so in part 2 when huge amount of alcohol is consumed and dignity is less prized. If you want the uncensored version, you have to be my friend in real life or get me similarly alcoholically compromised in the future)

So, thanks to the magnanimousness of Sue Galloway and John Lutz, I was invited to watch last week’s SNL from the writer’s room and then tag along to the afterparty. Lutz is a writer for SNL (and also appears as “Lutz” on 30 Rock, where Sue also appears as “Girl Writer”) It’s the second time I’ve gone (the last was a couple years ago when I think maybe Drew Barrymore was hosting but I don’t remember much of the show itself… it was more about “Jesus, this is the Writer’s Room of SNL and I’m sitting in it“).

It was also Amy Poehler’s last scheduled show as a cast member, which is poignant since she was one of my first teachers at the UCB Theatre (and the only other SNL party I went to was in her first year when she let us in… eight years ago? Jesus!) When we got up to the room a couple other people from the Theatre were there and they told us that Amy had gone into labor before dress, was rushed to the hospital and they thought (though were not 100% sure) that she had delivered already. The baby’s name was Archibald, which was weighed mentally but not up for discussion because of the love for and fear of each of us feels for her. (She can shoot lasers from her eyes.)

At the aforementioned Barrymore show, the room was pretty empty. That time we watched the dress and the show and as soon as dress ended, all of the writers piled in manically and quickly rewrote massive portions of the show, dropping 25 minutes worth of material and then setting it all up again for a new audience. This time we were just there for the real show and the Writer’s Room was packed. I was kinda surprised Jon Hamm was such a draw, but then again the media elite of New York City would probably be his peeps. Not personally his peeps, but his fan-peeps, I mean. Media-elites loved The Division.

The Writer’s Room sits above the stage, like two stories up, with a window that looks out on the audience risers, stage right. I spotted one audience couple that came in vintage dress… adorable (and uncomfortable). I had seen Rich and his wife and a couple other show guys in the lobby on the way in (Bobby had gotten them all ringside seats, I think). You can watch through the window up until the show starts, then the curtain has to close, at you watch the show on a big screen over the long writer’s table. But, because of the proximity to the stage, you hear the sound from below you live and in front of you on the TV which creates a spacial distortion. Better than Acid.

Some script drafts from dress were on the table, as well as a running order and a lot of smelly half-eaten hummus platters. Gross, SNL Writers, show some pride in your workspace! Actually, a couple of the writers were looking extra classy in suits, themed for the occasion. Lutz among them… he had a very shiny tie that was purple and silver (as was my dress, so we were required to get married by sartorial law to the displeasure of his girlfriend Sue). His tie looked like it should have had expensive chocolates inside. I over heard a writer saying that they had done their writer’s pitch meeting Mad Men themed, everyone in suit and tie. Adorable, SNL Writers!

It was weird seeing Jon Hamm so animated in the monologue, but he went over really well. A writer said he was really surprised that a lot of things that went flat in dress (which also has a different full audience and is taped) were killing in the live show.

At this point there’s like maybe 50 people in the room watching. Writers walking in and out. Lots of girlfriends and wives. A whole contingent from 30 Rock. Andy Secunda. My agent. Then Coldplay comes on and the room CLEARS. They’ve all gone down to see Coldplay on the floor. I guess they weren’t there to see Don Draper. Who knew? Coldplay?

It’s during the second Coldplay set that Mad Men creator Matt Weiner and his wife walked in with Jason Sudeikis (my memory is clouded whether it was him, but he had a really nice suit, too) giving them a backstage tour. Immediately Jack McBrayer (who you may know as TV’s Kenneth from TV’s 30 Rock and is a massive Mad Men fan) and a couple other people leap up and start shaking his hand and getting into an animated conversation.

I feel kinda awkward and want to say hello too but since I’m not involved with either the Best Comedy or Best Drama Emmy-Winning program, I don’t want to bust in. I make a pleading face to Jack and he said “Oh, sorry. Let me introduce you.” He turns to Matt and says “This is my friend Dyna…”

And Matt flips out. “Dyna MOE!?”

Seriously, I have not been greeted with this much enthusiasm by a member of my actual family (but we’re Nordic and profoundly sad). He pushes Jack out of the way, grips me in a bear hug, kisses my head and talks a mile a minute about the drawings I’d been doing on Flickr.

I’m pretty un-huggy in general. And he’s a hard man to do a scene with. He keeps setting me up for lines, but then moves on to the next thing before I can answer. He wants to know my real name, which confused I give (should have said “January” since he bought that once). Then he keeps using it on me, which is more unsettling since only my mother and the IRS call me that. He jokes that I use a fake name ‘cause I’m a stripper and he used to be a stripper. Then he said his son loves the backgrounds and put one on the family computer. I say “Oh, the one with the velvet pants and the top hat?” “You heard about that, huh… no the one who plays Glen.” I didn’t have my bearings enough to ask if he put the Glen wallpaper on. He started talking about architecture and then grabs a pink post it, writes his email on it and tells me to send him my phone number so we can continue this. They move on with their tour and I sit back down. Much like being attacked by a leopard or run over by a speeding motorboat, it happens so fast it’s hard to register.

The rest of the show goes pretty well (and I already wrote about the Mad Men parody sketch a couple entries down). Now we’re going to the party. I end up following a bunch of people down to Bobby’s dressing room (‘cause I hadn’t been down there before)... it’s a lot like the Conan dressing rooms, actually, but it’s the same building so that’s no surprise.

The party is at a place down in Time Square, and I walk out with a bunch of people, who it occurs to me as we walk first into a pack of autograph seekers (many of whom appear to be terminally ill and in wheelchairs) and then into a pack of paparazzi are actually famous television stars (but I haven’t really let that sink in since they used to just be pals). Bobby gets detained by the autograph hounds; Rich and Jack hug hello just outside the door and the paparazzi go bananas.

Ashley and I, non famous television stars, wait a bit and Mitch Magee jumps a barrier. He was very anxious to be smuggled into the after-party. I told him I’d call once we were there (there is some security, you have to “come in” with someone) and evaluate it. He just showed up because he was bored. The four of us walk the 5 or 6 blocks to the party. Jack, being the charming devil he always was, passes a huge bus-shelter 30 Rock ad and said with surprise “Hey, that’s me!”

NEXT TIME …Part 2: The Party

My mouth tastes like vomit and the tequila I intercepted for Michael Gladis.

Fred Armisen said I was cute.

Matt Weiner and Jon Hamm (seperately) hugged and kissed me unprompted.

So, Mitch wrote about Seattle so I have to write up my party adventures.

Rich sent an email saying he was gonna be in town to undisclosed recipients and we should meet him at this bar, Grassroots, which is right by my house. Like, two blocks away. I could roll there if I had to.

I already had tickets that night to see a terrible play with Silvija. Silvija gets free tickets to Broadway shows because of her job at Playbill and she is generous enough to share. I usually ask that we only see terrible things, but actually, most of what we’ve seen together has been pretty good… including two different shows that went on to win Tonys in subsequent years (“In The Heights” and “Spring Awakening”). We also saw “High Fidelity the Musical” which was pretty… not terrible, but definitely seemed dated within weeks of opening and I can see a high school in 2020 putting it on as a hoary 00s nostalgia show. I digress. The show we went to see we knew was going to be bad—the NY Times called it “A walking corpse of a comedy”—and we were all but daring each other to admit that we didn’t want to see it. But we did, and we didn’t leave at the intermission, and made it all the way to the uncomfortable, embarrassed curtain call. Taa daa!

So, now I had to get back down to my neighborhood and have a drink—which could have been disastrous, embarrassed and uncomfortable as well—with Rich and his other friends I didn’t know. He had been at the bar for almost three hours when I got there and was filled with liquid cheer. We talked about old comedy war stories, including the tale of Real Real World at the Mall of America which he had some perspective on as a native Minneapolian (term?) and the shady dude who ran the whole “festival.” Charlie Sanders was there and said that he was in the audience for that terrible show where we were booed off the stage since he was performing with his local group at the same event.

Anyway, Rich, after complaining about being cut from his second and third appearances on the Office, said “Oh, yeah the guys are coming.” It turned out he was flown out and put up by Bloomingdales (at the W, no less) to sign autographs with the rest of the Mad Men cast. It seemed very strange and was completely unpromoted as far as I had observed.

First “Peggy” came, right from her show on Broadway (“Speed the Plow”) in the theater next door to the terrible play I had just seen. She was dressed smartly in a crested blazer/straw hat combo and looked very Prime of Miss Jean Brodie. I handed her a red wine across the table and said ‘I’ll blog about this,” to which she reacted not at all. Burn! I am uninteresting!

There also were two AMC people—Sarah and Vlad—at the bar, one of whom was very enthusiastic about my dumb drawings, which was nice, since I would assume there would be lots of cease and desists and cold-shoulders. But she was very pro-drawings.

Jawnee Conroy was there and confused many of Rich’s friends with his sincere believe that dinosaurs live in the center of the earth. Charlie Sanders and I discussed our favorite bad/amazing movies and gave each other homework to watch and discuss at a later date.

“Paul” and “Pete” came together a bit later and played some darts. We were all pretty in the bag at this point. “Pete” shared with me a number of things that irritated him at length… he has many pet peeves. I was surprised to discover we are the same age. I irritated many gathered with my many points of praise for Law and Order: CI, the upshot of which is now having to tell people I met famous actors from a TV show I enjoy and rather than ask them interesting questions about their fascinating lives, I wasted their time by pointing out the finer points of the 2005 episode “Collective” about the nerd-killing black widow (also featuring former UCB performer Bret Christensen plays an Anne-Rice-vampire nerd sex-in-coffins cult member). “Paul” appears in a different {and lesser} 2005 episode “Prisoner” but that’s neither here nor there. He took off for a while and Rich said he was trying to pick up NYU girls smoking outside.

Some other shit happened. I lost my wallet but didn’t realize it. Most everyone left. I tried to take the remaining people to Crif Dogs, but since it was a Wednesday and 3 AM, it was closed. I tried Sidewalk and a pizza place, but they were closed too, so I proved to be a terrible drunken guide and went home, leaving Rich and his friends to their own devices.

On Friday, a couple days later, Anthony Atamanuik texted me to say “the busty redhead from your show is at Roo Roo.” For those who don’t know Stony, that’s classy for him. Long story short, “Joan” is dating the brother of Stony’s girlfriend and he’s actually known her in that quasi-familial bond for years. She also was in town on the Bloomingdale’s junket but she skipped the bar the other night (as did “Ken” and “Sal” who I think were with her at a Jazz club or something to that effect… they’re all the “old marrieds” of the crew as Rich had left wifey and baby back in LA and living the swinging swingle life that night).

“Joan” was neither 9 feet tall nor floating through the halls of McManus like battleship despite what you have seen. Her hair is really red. No, I did not ask if she wears a fake ass in the show and that question is bizarre and says more about you than her, really. Jesus. Why are we friends? She is very normal and of normal height and was wearing normal people clothes and… gasp… WASN’T A DICK! (Not that you should assume anyone is going to be a dick but the level to which she was the opposite of a dick surprised me.)

She actually was super nice and super excited about my drawings, which was very sweet. She was also exhausted as she had been doing photoshoots and fittings nonstop the whole week she was there (as well as hanging out with boyfriend’s extended family). She was genuinely thrilled that all these fashion people were giving her clothes and had a bunch more meetings the next day. She told me some funny backstage shit which put some stuff in perspective (but is not for the internet). She talked about some other shows she had worked on. And just was exactly what you’d want in meeting a person from TV. Five thumbs up.

Thanks to the magnanimousness of our friends on the writers’ staff (drawings for both of you), I’m going to the Jon Hamm-hosted SNL on Saturday and the after-party, which I believe a lot of the Sterling-Cooper crew is coming out for. Heightened terrifying drunken antics to follow… and be drawn. I suppose! That! Hooray!

(I feel like an awful person for having written this. Am I betraying a trust? Is this indulgent twaddle of the likes that fell Rome? Are you happy, Mitch?)

I’m probably not going to put every wallpaper here as I do them. You’re better off just going directly to Flickr to see them. I’ve already missed three of them from last week.

Here’s one

Here’s this week’s:

You can go back and find the others I’m skipping yourself. I want to blog about other things, like Russian Law and Order (the show, not the concept) and my class performance last night (they did pretty well!)

They’re boring. I couldn’t watch more than five consecutive minutes but between rapey rape on a rerun of Law and Order: SVU and a deadly-dull “Big Chill” inspired Cold Case, I flipped back to catch Lutz’s Mii in the SNL writers’ roll call, Tommy Smothers looking oddly the same as he has for the last 20 years and about two second of a “comedy bit” involving ripped clothes and Shatner. But not clothes being ripped OFF Shatner, which would be worth watching.

I checked online later and saw Mad Men won Best Drama. So, bully for them. Six Emmys in their first season. So, I’m drawing six illustrations this week in arbritrary reference to/homage to that. Check the Flickr this week to see those.

I got to wondering about the real life advertising awards—The Clios—which I for some reason though went the way of the Cable Aces back in the 90s, but they’re still chugging along under new owners. I suppose my half recalled memory of the Clios faltering might have come from stories like this about the 1991 awards, which I hope to find more eyewitness reports of… sound ama-aaa-azingly terrible. Like all thing associated with the advertising industry.

Note, however, this year’s Clio Awards WISELY honored the great achievement in visual poop jokes found in this All Bran commercial. He shits pipes! Between this and the barrage of non-nominated Activia commercials, 07-08 will be remembered as the year constipation broke.

So, I’ve been doing this project for a while now (drawing a scene from every new second season episode of Mad Men) and for the first time it’s a rerun as the Emmys are scheduled opposite.

I have a distaste for award shows (unless there’s a chance I might win something), so I need something else to occupy my time. I’m taking requests for desktops (and iPhone wallpapers) to put up in lieu of a new Season 2 illustration. It can be from this season, last season, a made-up scene… some different show entirely. Leave a comment and I’ll consider it.

Some have already posted theirs here and here in the comments.

I’m also open to PAID work. I’m very grateful and thrilled with the attention in the blogosphere, but I haven’t done anything for money since Gavin’s flyer. I’ve gotten interest and given quotes, but no one has pulled the trigger.

Don’t make me go back to freelance ADing for Pharma (if they would take me back).

Mad Men Season 2, Episode 8 Desktop Wallpaper. Currently untitled. I’m working on it.

Well into Tuesday and still no Episode 8 on iTunes. Luckily I saw it on Sunday at Nate Shelkey’s, but I don’t have an reference images to draw from. I found a bootleg low-res version of the episode on the internet but it was far from ideal.

This is my first new wallpaper after the SURGE of viral interest and I can’t help but feel I didn’t rise to the occasion.

Incidentally, you know that unseen "Mitch" who’s unhappy about Harry’s raise and is rumored to accuse Harry of "gold-bricking?" It’s totally this guy.

The dorkiest ever rock parody version here, or for iPhone.

Order a prints of this series from zazzle.com or download the Mad Men Icons.
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Next week is a rerun, so you tell me what desktop wallpaper you want to see. It can be from this season, last season, a made-up scene… some different show entirely. Leave a comment and I’ll consider it.

(It occurs to me to take a detour and do a desktop for The Loved One now that I have a Robert Morse vector)

Best episode of the season! After a real snoozer last week, this one is fantastic. There’s a weird flashback of Don looking Glengarryish… office shenanigans… Rich made to sweat it out again by one of the bosses and no Pete at all and no draggy boring sex scene weighing it down.

But the single criterion by which I judge all episodes as good vs. bad: did someone throw up in the episode? “Red in The Face” and “Nixon vs. Kennedy” both top my favorites for last season by this standard—copious vomit in both of them.

While the brief upchucking in this episode had its surprised spoiled by Silvija texting it to me right before and was neither Creme de Menthe green nor witnessed by a Nixon campaign manager, it was a lovely capper to a superior episode.

So I did two desktops because I liked the episode so much. Hooray for you, Mad Men, I knew you could do it.

(click pictures to download)

This is what was going on inside the casting room… a yellowish featureless void of infinite space where Harry spent the whole episode rather than appearing in any scene in the actual show.

iTunes didn’t put this one up until midday Tuesday, so it’s slower than I’d like… both the delivery of the episode and the content of the episode itself. Huzzah!

I also made a set of Mad Men OSX icons, which I haven’t quite figured out how to distribute.

Finally! An episode where shit happens instead of foreshadowing and brooding! Hooray for drunk driving, boo to no one being killed and Don having to hide the bodies!

I got so into working on this one, I stayed up most of the night starting work on next week’s…

A week ago, rather seredipitiously, both Buzzfeed and Laughing Squid featured my Mad Men doodles. I got a great flurry of hits on the Flickr and like a magnificent brain fever, it was all over in three days. Despite that, I’m going to stick to it and do one spot a week for the duration of the series. Click the picture to download the full-size.

Episode 4

And from last week, in case you missed it—

Episode 3

(The whole set is my Flickr set “Mad Men Illustrated”)

Season 2 Episode 2

click to go to my flickr for full sized version

Mad Men is a show on television that I enjoy watching and a second season of programs has just begun. Tonight, I understand, there is to be another new episode, but since I watch them on the “iTunes” I won’t see it until tomorrow at the earliest.

I though the premier was a bit “soft”—baffling to new viewers lured by the unrelenting hype of the last few months and not much to offer old hands other than showing every single character (including “Dean*” the Accounts Manager who hasn’t had a line since Pete went on his honeymoon) doing… things to remind who’s on the show.

Maybe that was the secret clue? Whoever wasn’t seen doing something mundane in the first episode probably committed suicide between November 1960 and February 1962. Hmmm… Hildy the secretary wasn’t shown combing her hair or eating a sandwich or installing a dimmer switch or really, appeared in the episode at all. Hildy has committed suicide. That’s the big reveal for this season. Done! Solved!

I love you, Mad Men. You’re ridiculous.
Have some wallpaper for your computer of Joan. Click the image above.

• I mean “Dale,” and this isn’t the first time I’ve had a Dale-Dean confusion. I mistakenly referred to Mister Glasses’ poolside waiter as Dean earlier this week.

Although you’re all distracted by the recent, unexpected death of Heath Ledger, I’d like to point out another fantastic Hollywood star recently taken from us too, too soon at the spry age of 70.

(I am mostly noting this because I have this picture already uploaded. But I just read her bio on Wikipedia... did you know she was married to Tom Poston? Bob, your wife left you for the handyman!)